Saturday, January 5, 2019

Guest blog: Seventeen Predictions for 2019 by A.E. Williams

To start the New Year with a bang, here is one of our occasional essays from the redoubtable A.E.Williams, wit, Rocket Surgeon and contrarian. All views are, of course, the writer's own, but we hope you'll find them amusing and thought-provoking) or possibly terrifying)!

SIXTEEN SEVENTEEN Predictions for 2019

Speculative fiction is at its best when the scenarios that are envisioned actually come to pass, within the lifespan of an average human being.[1]
With the realization that The Wave is currently enveloping Earth[2], that a huge cloud of interstellar dust is the actual reason for climate change[3], and the launch of the Falcon Heavy a reality[4], it is becoming speculated by some that I am a time-traveler, prescient[5], an alien[6] or at least really, really good at guessing what will happen in the near future.
In keeping with that tradition, I will continue to add to my impressive record by setting forth ten   sixteen seventeen predictions for 2019. Whether or not all will come to pass is of course, unknown at this point in 2019. By the time this sees print, some may already have occurred.
So, let’s see how the future is shaping up, shall we?

Intel will perfect a super-dense, 3D substrate for transistor manufacturing. This will pave the path for true AI. Unfortunately, another suspicious factory fire will reduce the world’s supply of RAM, thereby making the neo Neopet, (think a virtual Pokémon, but one that is alive, sort of), a fad just in time for Christmas. The ensuing chaos will make Venezuela’s troubles seem insignificant by comparison.

Trump’s Wall will be funded so hard, it will be able to be made of solid gold.[7]
President Donald J. Trump will successfully mount a re-election campaign that guarantees his second term. Near the end of that term, the 25th Amendment will be repealed. The next thing that will happen is that Trump will follow in the footsteps of Mad Vlad Putin and Xi of China.
Hillary Clinton’s emails will finally be revealed to be 30,000 recipes for borscht and perogies[8]. Embarrassed FBI agents will be forced to admit that this was known all along, but thought to be steganographically-encrypted nuclear launch codes.
The rest of the JFK files that the CIA has promised to release will mysteriously vanish. Rumor will have it that the Russians hacked their servers.

Everyone who dies in 2019 will do so by finally embracing Camus’ view of absurdism, and a rash of really stupid ways to expire will hit the news. Examples include being sat on by elephants, eaten by pet geckos, and walking under falling planes.[9]
A lot of people will fall from cruise ships after a design flaw is discovered, in that these ships all require dihydrogen monoxide to float.
Al Gore will become suitably incensed, and a new film will be released in November, initially titled “An Inconvenient Truth: Return to Terabithia.” Audience test-screenings will cause it to be renamed “Overboard.” A new tax credit scheme, the “H2O Offset Credit” will be collected to stem the tide of awkward demises.[10]
A new pandemic of flu will become the Spanish flu all over again. Fortunately, it will be confined to the poor, so no one will notice.[11]


Many people will die of boredom, when lithium is depleted by Elon Musk for use in the BFER, an ion-propulsion starship, which is the logical successor to his Mars initiative. Musk will hollow-out Phobos, and adapt it into a generation ship.[12]

After travelling for FORTY-TWO years through our solar system, Voyager One will come into contact with a paranoid, depressed alien space probe. Hilarity will ensue…

Humans will remain interested in small, glowing silica-glass and carbon-fiber devices, being charged exorbitant fees for the privilege of being entertained as they travel through absurdist fantasies, pitifully attempting to stave off their inevitable doom.
Star-struck entertainment enthusiasts will go supernova when Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye announce they are getting married in zero-gee, primarily for tax purposes. Astronomers and television executive pairings will then become a ‘thing.’[13]

A huge asteroid will hit Krakatoa. The resulting explosion will undo the Fujiyama disaster radiation problem, by creating massive tsunamis that force the radioactive particles to the sea floor.[14]
Microsoft and Wells Fargo will embark on a plan to take over the cryptocurrency markets, using submerged server farms for bitcoin mining. This will be discovered to have been going on for the last several years, and Microsoft and Wells Fargo will be blamed as the real reason for climate change.
Windows 12 will come out, and all the people on Earth will be retroactively billed for the amount of $349.99 to pay for it.[15]
The Moon will be named as the fourth planet. Titan, Europa, Ceres and a dozen other celestial bodies will be inducted as planets as well. Pluto will still not be considered, primarily because of interorganizational snits between the Society.
Elementary school teachers will go mad trying to keep track, and mnemonic phrases will become mnemonic paragraphs. The most entertaining and memorable one will be:
So, maybe vertical ears might compose excellent methods due in June ecliptic solstice to unusual nocturnal umbrella eaters[16].
Effects from The Wave become evident![17]

This year promises more excitement than ever!
We will get plunge deep into to the fascinating world of science and technology advances and discoveries!
Get ready to fall deep into virtual intellectual rabbit holes all across the space-time topological map, with the long-promised and eagerly awaited articles on Sci-Fi Weapons, Undersea Cities and Bovine Flatulence!

A.E. Williams
High Springs, Florida
January 1, 2019

[1] It probably easily falls within the lifespan of a typical alien, of course.
[5] Check out for the stunning accuracy of many of my predictions!
[6] My personal favorite!
[7] It is to be noted that the funding will come from the rest of the world, and the Wall will keep Americans IN.
[8] The main ingredient in all of them is vodka.
[9][9] An unfortunate pilot will be crushed in a freak accident where the landing gear collapses during a pre-flight inspection. Details on which airline is involved are hazy.
[10] Mr. Gore will fall under much criticism for the discovery of his company which retrofits supertankers, converting them to high-end luxury liners. He also will begin wearing an eye-patch, misattributed to his affection for Nick Fury.
[11] This was slated to occur this year, the one-hundred-year anniversary of the Spanish Flu pandemic. In fact, this did occur! However, it was not reported in the Mainstream Media on the off chance that it would be labeled as ‘fake news.’ Look it up!
[12] Deimos is already an alien battlestar base, as documented in my short-story “Return of the Wanderers.”
[13] Parenthetically, both persons identify as males, with the newly recognized genders of ‘nerd’ and ‘geek’.
[14] There is a possibility that kaiju will come from the Marianas Trench, but the outlook is fuzzy on this.
[15] BONUS PREDICTION: The amount of money that Bill Gates receives as a result will form a black hole as it collapses under its own weight. Bits and bytes DO have mass! The world economies follow suit shortly thereafter. President Trump will brag that his wallet has the “biggest black hole.” Few would disagree…
[16] Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Moon, Ceres, Eros, Mars, Deimos*, Io, Jupiter, Europa, Saturn, Titan, Uranus, Neptune, Ultima Thule 
[17] It’s already here! Read all about it in TERMINAL RESET! Do you feel younger yet?

About A.E. Williams:

A.E. Williams has a unique background of military experience, aerospace engineering and intelligence analysis. 
Born near Pittsburgh, A.E. Williams is man of a mystery. As a young man, Williams served the United States government in various capacities, which he then followed with ten years as an outfitter. Williams finally retired and moved down to rural central Florida, where he ran a medium - sized tilapia farm. He did his writing at night, usually accompanied by a bottle of Maker's Mark bourbon and a large supply of Classic Dr. Pepper and ice.
A.E. Williams is the author of the exciting hard science fiction series Terminal Reset, which is about the effects of a mysterious force from billions of miles away from Earth that was formed millions of years ago. When The Wave strikes, everything changes! 

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