Saturday, June 24, 2017

Retribution by Guy Riessen

Release date: June 20, 2017
Subgenre: Horror

About Retribution

 

Brian Lockewood grew up knowing the pain of abuse and loss, but his own turn toward hatred and violence will teach him that retribution is a dish best served cold...and wet...and filled with rats.

A Dark Psychological Supernatural Horror Novelette

Excerpt:

 

His flashlight beam caught hints of rats scurrying into the shadows as he stepped into the room.
Goddamn rats! Fucking creepy-ass shit.
He shuddered as he shined the light back and forth to make sure none were waiting to leap on him. Using the head of the flashlight, he pulled one of the hanging cabinet doors open. Inside were moldering piles of soggy cereal. Rats had chewed holes in the boxes and their contents had leaked and turned to viscous sludge in the humidity. Cockroaches scuttled back into the cracks as the light fell across them.
Only thing worse than disease ridden rats are nasty, swarming cockroaches.
The sink had a slow drip. Plink. Brian was sure the porcelain basin had been white at one time, but now a green slime had grown up from the drain and around the faucet. The rest of the bottom of the basin was brown with minerals from the water slowly dripping into it. He stared into the sink, watching a drip grow slowly larger, hanging to the lip of the faucet like a transparent bulbous sack. Plink.
***
Just a month after Brian’s ninth birthday, which his mom celebrated by baking him his absolute favorite, chocolate cake, Brian stood next to their kitchen sink. There was a slow drip from the faucet. Plink. Mom had cleaned all the dishes and neatly stacked them on the drying rack.
Dad said the kitchen must always be clean enough to eat off the floor.
Or he’d goddamn make them eat off the floor.
Plink. Another drip landed in the clean, white porcelain-enameled basin.
On the table where Brian ate breakfast every morning before school, there was an empty bourbon bottle. It was tipped on its side. A glass was next to it, a slick of bourbon on the bottom.
It was warm that day, but since it was Fall, there was a stiff breeze blowing outside. The windows of the kitchen were open and the cool air moved across the room. A shadow moved slowly across the table, cast from the sun coming in through the screen door.
Twisting slowly, his mom’s feet dangled above the clean linoleum floor. There was a belt looped through the metal light fixture in the middle of the ceiling. It was one of his dad’s belts.
Her face was black and purple, lumpy, and her left eye bulged out like a grotesque caricature of someone surprised. But her right eye just peeked out through a slit where her swollen eyelids didn’t quite meet. She had her makeup up on, like dad always wanted, but her lipstick was smeared on the right side and made it look like her mouth was stretched out. Her lips were puffy under the red lipstick and her tongue was a dark purple and lolled from between her teeth. There was a pool of fluid under her feet, one of the kitchen chairs was tipped over, and the room smelled of bourbon and urine.
The police found his dad down at the bar two blocks over. He said he didn’t know anything about what happened. He’d been at the unemployment office all morning, sat in the park that was on the way home for maybe a few hours, then went to the bar. He said he hadn’t been home since 9am.
They ruled it a suicide. Said his mom took her own life.
Brian knew there was no lipstick on the glass slicked with bourbon. But he couldn’t tell anyone. His dad would know.


Currently free at

Amazon

 

About Guy Riessen:


Guy Riessen is an American author of contemporary dark fiction spanning the science fiction, horror, fantasy and crime genres. Born in 1967 in South Dakota, he grew up in the Southern California beach town of Huntington Beach. He moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in 1985, graduated with a degree in English from UC Berkeley, and has been living in the wild lands north of San Francisco ever since. After nearly two decades of creating artwork in the visual effects industry for feature films, he returned to his first passion: writing speculative fiction.

Website

 

 

Friday, June 23, 2017

Speculative Fiction Links of the Week for June 23, 2017


Here is our weekly round-up of interesting links about speculative fiction from around the web, this week with Wonder Woman, The Handmaid's Tale, American Gods, Doctor Who, Transformers: The Last Knight as well as the usual mix of awards news, writing advice, interviews, reviews, awards news, con reports, science articles and free online fiction. 

Speculative fiction in general:

Comments on The Handmaid's Tale:

Comments on American Gods:

Comments on Wonder Woman

Comments on Transformers: The Last Knight:

Awards:

Writing, publishing and promotion: 

Interviews:

Reviews:

Con reports:

Science and technology:

Free online fiction:

Odds and ends: 

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Guest blog by A.E. Williams: Musings from the North 40


Musings from the North 40


Is It Hot or Is It Just Me? AGW, Global Warming, and the REAL Impact Humanity is Having on Planet Earth

By A. E. Williams    JUNE, 2017

(All views expressed are the author's own! Copyright 2017, A.E. Williams, All Rights Reserved)

The other night, as I sat near the conveniently warming camp fire I tended, sipping my Maker’s Mark and Classic Pepsi (with sugar!), and smoking a Backwoods cheroot, I pondered the unknowable vastness of it all.
Again.
It gets to be a bit of a habit, on clear nights, to wax philosophical, and realize the insignificance of one’s place in the Universe.
The elements - the brightly lit stars of the Milky Way galaxy, the buzz of the ever-present Florida insects, the humid atmosphere that hugs you like a wet blanket, and the smell of the cinders baking your toes - combine to form an environment that is ripe for growth of “Deep Thoughts”.
Another sip on the bourbon, another draw of the cheroot, and a puff of thin, gray smoke to dispel the latest annoying gnat or mosquito from my furrowed brow.
There I sat, in the semi-darkness, surrounded by my thoughts and the incipient threat of imminent planetary destruction.
After all, just that very afternoon, at 3:34pm Eastern Daylight time,  the President of these United States had just thumbed his nose at the entire world, showing it his behind as he withdrew from the celebrated Paris Accord!
Almost simultaneously, famous comedienne and rapacious wit Kathy Griffin was being lambasted for her most recent tasteless stunt!
Surely, the appearance of such ominous omens portended that the Apocalypse was nigh!
So, then, there, in the darkness - my Kimber .45 caliber pistol strapped to my hip; the warmth of the fire added to the already oppressive warmth of the dank Florida forest surrounding me;  between the fevered cries of terrified deer, rooted to the spot as they were illuminated by the lights of the oncoming vehicles; the staccato chirping of the barking spiders – it was then that I experienced an Epiphany.
I leapt from my seat, bolting upright, so rapidly that I almost, but not quite, spilled drops of the precious amber fluid from my crystalline goblet!
My cheroot blazed into a searing coal from the intensity of my indrawn breath!
“Eureka!” I shouted, wiping incandescent sparks from my Levi’s 501 blue jeans.
I had found it!
The answer was there, all along.

*****

Now, please understand, that despite all the scientific training I received over my lifetime, working on rockets and jet engines and whatnot, performing tremendously complicated testing procedures, programming supercomputers, fighting Nazis[1], and generally occupying my time on Mother Earth with all manner of things that most people eschew, my bullshit detector has become highly refined.
Science, logic and mathematics are the tools on which I base most of my decisions.
But, my gut is not to be ignored, for it has aided my quest for veracity, most ably.
For example, to me, it’s very important to understand the personal calculus of alcohol consumption, for example.
Or the rate of expansion of alimony payments.
Or how to optimize the  orbit of a geosynchronous satellite to obtain the best reception for “Blue Bloods”, or “Two Broke Girls” in the middle of Nowhere, Florida.
But, these trifling challenges are merely child’s play compared to the immense complexity of dealing with the issue of Anthropogenic Global Warming.

*****

Having become inured to the normal noise associated with the usual “Global Warming/Climate Change/The End of the World as We Know It” chatter over the years, I was perusing the Internets for more valuable content.
While researching my latest book, I came across an interesting article.
In it, the author posited that we could take advantage of how the Earth could be moved further away from the Sun, our sometimes un-friendly local star, to a more amenable place in the Solar System.
The paper postulated that an asteroid, or series of them, might be moved from their respective orbits, by means of robotic mass-ejection devices that would slowly but inexorably alter their paths, through the simple laws of Newtonian physics.
These could be set into predetermined trajectories that would come close by Earth, and the accumulated effects would eventually cause a minor change in our own planetary travels around Old Sol.
While I was reading this article, I realized that, in some circles, this was being seriously considered as some manner of ‘fixing’ the Global Warming Problem.
That was when I decided it was high time to add my voice to this serious ongoing debate.
Because, here was the crux of the matter.
Within this learned, peer-reviewed and ‘scientific’ treatise lay the answer!
It had been staring us right in our collective neo-simian faces ALL THIS TIME!
This was the SOLUTION!
It was now a fact that, regardless of anything we as a species might do to warm up this beloved planet, we could just pack up and move our Home-world to a more expedient location!
How simple!
How elegant!
How OBVIOUS!
Of course, as the paper made extremely clear, these shifts in orbits are complex, expensive, and require some intricate planetary mechanics.
They also take a bit of time to orchestrate.
Something on the order of a billion or so years.

*****

Being the impatient, impertinent and arrogant bastard that I am, I then put pen to paper (or fingertips to keys, to be more accurate) to help our belabored political leaders understand the true nature of the threat of Anthropogenic Global Warming.
Now, as everyone is arguing about the degree to which humanity, Mankind, or just plain folk are contributing to this ongoing mess, I thought it prudent to clear the whole thing up.
Some prominent and respected scientists, and some notorious loudmouths, all point to their respective data sets as being the ‘hard’ evidence that this problem of mankind-caused climate change is real.
Endless arguments about terminology, from the nascent effects of albedo, refractive indices and density of material, to the calculus of thermodynamic heat transfer - and a plethora of other things that make laypeople cross their eyes, spit through their fingers and reach for their bourbon - can be found all across the Internet.
Just type in “AGW” into your favorite search engine[2] and be prepared to be inundated by both the FAKE and REAL versions of TRUTH.

*****

To save you the time, I am going to elucidate the actual reasons behind AGW.
But, be forewarned.
TRUTH is NOT pretty.
In fact, I am very confident that you aren’t going to like the facts[3]…not one bit.
Because, Global Warming IS our fault!
Just not for the reasons you might think…

*****

The true nature of Anthropogenic Global Warming is complicated.
Many factors exist, each one adding a minor but noticeable amount of blame to the human species as the prime mover.
We are the main cause that is leading the planet ever closer to its CO2 -augmented doom.
So, in the interest of alarming ourselves even further, let’s look at the evidence, shall we?

*****

Biomass of Humanity
First and foremost, as once identified by the noted bio-alarmist Paul Ehrlich, in his book “The Population Bomb”, is the entire Biomass of Humanity.
The premise of the book was that unfettered reproduction of the human race (with some emphasis on what one supposes today would be referred to as “The Deplorables”), would result in famine, localized wars and the total collapse of Civilization as we know it.[4]
Ehrlich was almost on point. [5]
His mistake was in ignoring the most simple and basic physics that applied.
All those people weigh something.
They have MASS[6].
And, all that mass means that, if it is concentrated sufficiently in localized areas, then perturbations in the path followed by the rocky projectile we all inhabit will induce variations in the natural orbit it pursues around our local Star.
What that means is that, as more people are made, and eat their fill of lard and HFCS beverages, they acquire yet more mass.
This additional mass slows Earth down.
The results are predictable, mathematically easy to demonstrate and ultimately fatal to our species.

*****

Too Many People on One Hemisphere
A corollary to the Human Biomass Diversity factor is deduced from empirical evidence concerning population density.
People naturally congregate in warmer climes, forming cities (more on that in a minute), infrastructure and other structures to facilitate their fornication, further reproducing themselves on a massive scale.[7]
A subset of this issue is that, in order to eat, people will also deform the natural habitat of the planet.
Aside from the easily identified agricultural modifications, there are the methods used for selecting of favorable species to use in food production.
Some of these species include cows, sheep, horses, dogs, cats and tilapia, which will provide more localized mass concentration when farmed or raised for consumption.
Their foodstuffs need to be shipped to that location, and all this moving of mass is causing tremendous changes in the vibrational energies that affect the planet.
Add to this the not-so-minor effects of methane generation[8] produced as a by-product of the  defecation from these living organisms, and we’ve gotten a real mess on our hands.
These physical  ‘bumps’ on the surface of the planet create two methods of orbital disruption –
·         Density effects - an imbalance caused by too localized dense areas
·         Streamlining effects – i.e. laminar flow disruption of the Van Allen belts
What these effects do is slow the Earth’s velocity, inducing drag in the vacuum of space, and causing Earth’s orbit to subtly change.
As anyone familiar with Physics 101 - or Hawking’s work on black holes, and specifically singularity collapse near the Event Horizon -  can easily understand,  as an object slows in orbit, that orbit decays, and it gets CLOSER to the object around which it orbits.
Any fool with a few spare minutes and a handful of change can easily demonstrate this scientific concept at the local science museum (or shopping mall) where they can test the principle with the “Coin Vortex”.
Colloquially known as the “Spiral Wishing Well”, this simple device is a plastic funnel that has a coin-slot launcher into which a rube[9] inserts a coin of suitable denomination.
Upon release, the coin flies around the lip of the funnel, faster and faster, as it descends into the convenient coin-trough at the bottom, due to the natural force of Gravity, and the underlying and well-understood physical principles behind coinage-maelstrom convergence.
The effect is hypnotic, especially to younger children, the gullible and those with altered states.
This experiment clearly demonstrates, to all but the most dull among us.  that, as our Mother Planet is slowing in its orbit, it will become inexorably drawn into the Sun.
Which makes the planet WARMER.
Careful observation of the experimental results will reveal that the coins will take irregular paths, with no two being exactly the same.
This will provide the objective observer with an opportunity to understand the necessity of critical science experiment design, which is a caveat for proper exploration of the Natural world, using the Scientific Method.
Of course, most ‘scientists’ will poo-poo the need for rigidly following the discipline of the Scientific Method.
They will eschew good experimental design, ignoring such things as control sets.
These ‘scientists’ will then neglect to use coins that are of the exact same type, weight, denomination, density or any of the hundreds or more variables that are required to be noted and exactly reproduced in order for proper replication to be made.
Replication yields verification, after all.
And the fewer variables that actually change, the more easily the experimental results will converge, hopefully.
This  proper use of the Scientific Method, with controls and few variations in the test objects and environment are what leads to peer acceptance, and finally, a working understanding and theory!

*****
Isn’t science GRAND? 

*****

At times, when conducting this particular experiment, some coins will seem to be escaping.
But, the force of Gravity eventually sucks them all down to their inevitable resting place in the charitable coffers of the organization lucky enough to have figured out this simple scam…I mean scientific experiment.
The one problem with this probable contributing factor is that of the Three-Body Problem, but since all the mass on Earth is already here, we can probably dispense with that as a trivial concern.[10]
The rest is obvious, as they say.

*****


Nuclear Weapons Testing
I know exactly what you are thinking –
“A.E., how could our testing of huge explosive things possibly cause global warming? The heat generated by the most immense thermonuclear test ever, the Tsar Bomba, is nothing compared to that generated in just a few nanoseconds by the average Class G2V star, say, our Sun.”
And, you are correct in your thinking[11].
But, that is NOT why the Earth is suffering an increase in adverse climate activity, due to our interference with the purity of Gaia’s spirit.
Oh, no…it’s FAR worse than a few million degrees and hundreds of thousands of tons of steam and atomized aquatic life being instantly added to the atmosphere.
Remember that earlier paper I’d read?
The one about the asteroids being used to alter the orbit of Earth?
It is obvious that theses explosive tests nudged the Earth out of orbit!
That is exactly what happened!
Think about this –
The effect is very, very small, but, over time, and space, it becomes more pronounced.
Much like the effects of a bad relationship, binge-drinking, heroin addiction and gorging on HFCS -enhanced snack foods, the end result never is immediately apparent.
What is happening now is that the planet, slightly perturbed in orbit by those immense bombs, is wobbly.
Very, VERY slightly wobbly, but the deviation is there, nonetheless.
Just ask Isaac Newton.[12]

*****


Billionaires
Here’s a cautionary joke for you:
Elon Musk, Paul Allen, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Donald Trump all get on Air Force One.
During the flight, it is discovered that an Islamic Terrorist, inspired by Kathy Griffin’s publicity stunt, and apparently secretly funded by George Soros, has managed to get aboard.[13]
 “Mr. President! The plane is going down!” shouts a Secret Service agent.
“But, we’ve only got four parachutes!” yells another agent!
About that time, someone blows up, so the only people left aboard the plane alive are Elon Musk, Paul Allen, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Donald Trump.
“I’m grabbing a chute, since I am the man who will save the Earth, using sustainable energy and electric cars!” yells Musk.
He grabs a chute and leaps out.
“I get a chute because I’m a gazillionaire, and I  gave the world Windows!” yells Allen.
He grabs a chute and leaps out.
Donald Trump pushes the other two men aside, rudely.
“I’m the President, I’m the Smartest Man in the Free World, and I’m going to Make America Great Again!” he shouts.
Flipping the other two men the bird, he makes  “V” for “Victory” signs, as he launches himself out into the ever-warming atmosphere.
Bezos and Branson look at each other.
“You want one of these two ‘chutes?” asks Sir Richard.
“Two?” says the founder of Amazon.
“Quite right, old Bean!” says Sir Richard.
“The ‘Smartest Man in the World’ just leapt off Air Force One wearing my mountaineering backpack!” he said, smiling.
“Say, can’t you fly this thing anyway?” asks Bezos.
“Quite right, I dare say!” Sir Richard grins back.

*****

Air Force One sets down later that day at Branson’s Spaceport in the Mojave Desert.
While sipping on their drinks, (a Virgin Mary for Sir Richard and some Amazonian Rainforest water for Mr. Bezos), they are listening to the news.
Kathy Griffin is on the telly, and is informing everyone that she has found a disturbing item in her back yard.
To shocked gasps of horror from the assembled Press corps, she holds up a decapitated head, once again completely missing the point.[14]

*****

So, are billionaires evil, or what?
From the earliest history we have, some people have managed to figure out how to  come to power over others.
By threat of violence, Divine Providence or blind luck, some of us end up on top of heaps of cash, or whatever passes for it.
That these people got to that heady place by exploiting other people isn’t really the point.
The other people allowed themselves to be exploited, right?
I mean, most of us only want to go home and screw one person, not everyone else on the planet?
The problem with wealthy people isn’t about good or evil.
It’s about hypocrisy.

*****

When most of the major pollution creating industries in the world are owned by a relative few (including those evil corporations), it’s easy to align the impact of this on the ecology, by comparing the graphics representing their capital growth or net worth with those following warming trends.
In fact, the infamous ‘Hockey Stick’ graph about AGW can probably be superimposed over the profit growth charts of most of these individuals, with equally incredulous results.
For example, Bill Gates Net Worth and the AGW chart probably coincide exactly.[15]
Now, does this mean we should all hate the rich and kill them off?
Hardly.
BUT –
Can we at least agree that - in the interest of lining their pockets, making products that have made life more bearable for almost all of humanity, creating things that are miraculous in nature in their abilities, enriching millions with the emergence of new markets, industrial and technological advances, finding new methods for treating grievous wounds and apocalyptic diseases, and surmounting near-superhuman problems - these individuals are at least A cause of Global Warming?
These elite, select few can jet around the world, create immense mega-projects that attract thousands of workers who need housing, food, etc. and then build-out the infrastructure for transporting all of these products via planes, trains and automobiles.
The global economies that have thrived all have been watered by gushing funds from the fiscal pumps enabled by the owners of banks, World Organizations and other lobbyists of special interests.
Aren’t they -somewhat- a root cause of this increased emission of greenhouse gases?
I thought as much.

*****

DDT Killed the ‘Skeeters, but the OTHER Bugs Are Now Getting in on the Action!
Why is pesticide a man-made vector in the AGW debate, you may soberly ask?[16]
Remember Ehrlich?
By chemically removing major parts of the ecosystem, we have made it possible for other parts to thrive.
Some of these other parts are benign to us, so we allow them to thrive as they will.
Some, like the mosquito, are terrible plagues upon Humanity and rightly deserve to be made extinct.
But, there is Cause and Effect at work here.
Kill off these ‘skeeters, and the birds[17] that eat them no longer have a ready supply of food.
They poop less, as a natural result.
The lack of poop affects other parts of the food chain until we end up with the only creatures that have adapted to living on less poop, and thrive:
Cockroaches.[18]
As the mass of cockroaches increases, we revisit the effects of an uncontrolled breeding of any manner randy vermin as pointed out by Ehrlich.
We are now at risk of, to wit, a Roachpocalyse.
And, we’ll  really need nukes, should that occur.[19]
We’ve just added another variable to the orbit-perturbation equation.

*****

Skyscrapers and Elevators
Newton once famously told the world that “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”.
This is so revolutionary an idea, that later physicists decided to make it a LAW.
As we’ve grown as a species, many of the more lucky among us have aimed to create lasting monuments to their own greatness, whether that was perceived or real.
The Pyramids, Tower of Babel and other notable ziggurats throughout time have entombed the vanity and ego of these stalwart individuals.
Later, Mighty peoples gazed upon their greatness, and despaired.
“How can we make a bigger, badder and more expensive monument? Then, we can point to it and tell the yokels and commonweal that we are better than they?” these Mighty wondered, pausing in their beheading of the current infidel of choice.
Thus was born the concept of that architectural abortion that is the skyscraper[20].

*****

Let’s go back to Physics 101.
Remember what happens when we’ve got all that mass concentrated in one place?
And, on top of that, the additional variable of atmospheric drag?
Anywhere near major cities, the path of the wind is being altered from its normal laminar flow by those tall, pointy things, with big flat sides.
And, let’s not even mention the infrastructure surrounding the damned things!
The reflectivity index goes out the window when you’ve paved over Paradise and put up a parking garage.
Or, what if you cover a parking lot with reflective glass windshields?
How can anyone not expect all that radiant heat to not increase the ambient air temperature by a few degrees Celsius?

*****

              Renewable Energy
“A.E., you’re not seriously going to suggest that sustainability and the promise of renewables, is a factor in the AGW equation, are you?” you ask, probably fearing for your caramel-mocha latte.
Well, I am not only suggesting it, I am insisting that the fact that we go out of our way to create more methods to increase the energy budget on this planet is one of the major factors for AGW.
The infrastructure, manufacturing, processing of raw materials, delivery, computer systems, electrical grid – ALL of it is made by us.
It’s existence is evidence of our mastery of scientific principles that were just lying around, waiting to be picked up by any sentient being with opposable thumbs, a huge brain, the ability to adapt to a wide variety of environmental extremes and a high tolerance for the fermented by-products of easily harvested local grains and fruits.
A sentient being that also enjoys staggering reproductive and biological advantages, due to its skills at tool-making and records keeping.
So, yes, it IS our fault.

*****

But, not as much as it is Al Gore’s fault.

*****

Tobacco farms
Let me come right out and state that I believe Al Gore is a genius, on par with Einstein, Hawking and Newton, in my very humble opinion.
His losing of an election to a man who took on the mantle of starting the next Holy War should not embarrass nor diminish his estimable contributions to our species.
Here is a man who went from modest roots, growing up on a tobacco farm, to becoming the 45th Vice President of the United States of America, the true Inventor of the Internet, and a social commentator Summa Cum Laude regarding our place on this fragile planet.
But, tobacco pesticides have been shown to be radioactive in some cases.
Which brings us around to those nuclear cockroaches, again.[21]
Thanks a lot, Al…

*****

And, on the subject of nukes…
What the hell,  North Korea?
Are you trying to start World War V?[22]

*****

Warfare
Warfare is by far the single most destructive force we have been able to unleash upon the planet, and each other.
The environmental effects are well-documented, and don’t need rehashing.
Besides war being hell, and ugly, it also puts particulates into the atmosphere.
Chemical compounds such as nitrates, sulfates and the vaporized parts of Nazis all get mixed up and blown into the air, creating localized pollution.
And, while that is mostly a problem for the French or English, the other side-effects of terrible wars are felt long after the dead have been buried.
The outgassing of the dead alone probably contributed a significant amount of methane to the atmosphere.
What, you think methane just goes away?
Look up clathrates[23], and carbon sequestration, if you really are thirsty and need a good jolt of booze.

*****

              Shipping (Yeah, but with Ships!)
So, as our billionaires became wealthy on the labor of others[24], they needed some way to get their wares from the slave-labor factories in China to the eager and demanding consumers of the First World.
Ergo, ships.
Now, shipping is an old tradition.
So old that it even created pirates. [25]  
Today, ships ply the oceans, stirring up the water with their propellers.
This agitates the surface waters, creating heat release by exposure of more surface area of the oceans.
Heat rises, and as it gets sucked into the atmosphere, it creates these huge tornadocanes we’ve been experiencing. Tornadocanes are heat-engines.[26]
They take in heat, and really mess up the oceans, until they hit land and destroy insurance companies.
But, that’s not all the harm to our environment that ships cause!
Thanks to Archimedes, we have the concept of buoyancy.
Whereby, as these heavy ships pass over the ocean floor, they have enough mass to press the ocean out of their way, and mostly that direction is down.
This downward pressure maybe disrupts the sea floor, and all those beds of methyl clathrate lying just underneath that mud.
               Then, this releases a huge amount of methane gas, which emerges in a giant bubble, possibly engulfing said ship, and its Chinese trinkets, sending them to the bottom.
               One might imagine that the loss of a giant freighter full of consumable stuff is the kind of thing that makes Jeff Bezos sad.
               So sad that he and Al Gore just might board a Gulfstream V and fly to  Seattle, Washington, to visit Paul Allen.[27]
               Paul might then brag that he’s built a giant version of Sir Richard Branson’s ‘White Knight’, called the ‘Stratosaur’ or some such nonsense.
              They all sit around, eating special billionaire Foods-Which-Cannot-Be-Named-By-Poor-People-Because-They-Will-Explode, and pondering whether Elon Musk will use this giant plane to launch his patented  Mars Missiles™ to Mars, so he can build Pyramids there.
               Elon Musk will build Pyramids on Mars, to which Donald Trump may one day point, while giving us our final speech, wearing a flame-proof suit as the Earth falls into the Sun,  and inform us all:
“You’re FIRED!”

*****

Let’s face it, it’s looking pretty convincing about now that Anthropogenic Global Warming is something we should just come right out and take responsibility for, don’t you think?
AGW is real, all right.
And we’re all to blame, because we like YouTube™ and nice cars.
Too bad there’s nothing we can really do about it.

*****

Want some bourbon and Pepsi?


A.E. Williams is the author of “Terminal Reset – The Coming of the Wave” and “Rocket Surgeon”, both available on Amazon.



[1] Everyone in the US fights Nazis.
[2] GOOGLE™
[3] It pained me so much to type this missive, that I consumed an entire fifth of Maker’s. And a dozen cans of Classic Pepsi. That’s the kind with “Real Sugar”; not that chemical Frankenstein called High-Fructose Corn Syrup. Seriously, is there anything more egregious to our sensibilities than HFCS? I mean, corn can be boiled, popped, slathered in butter, and even distilled! But, to strip it of its nutrition and use the resulting excrement as some manner of sugar-replacement is the antithesis of ‘natural’. Thank the Eldritch Gods that at least most of its disgusting nature can be camouflaged by the sufficient application of pure ethanol, the most beneficial by-product of chemically altering corn!
[4] It did not predict the outcome of the 2016 US Presidential election, at least not -directly-.
[5] Mr. Ehrlich was only ‘off’ by a few decades.
[6] As in F=ma and E=MC2 mass. Not Catholic Mass, although some 1.6 billion of them also have that as well.
[7] Affluent people congregate wherever the hell they want, but apparently they want to do so in Boca Raton, Palm Springs, and Rodeo Drive.
[8] *Methane (CH4) concentration in Earth’s atmosphere is only 0.00017% by volume. I’ve got a higher methane concentration locally, of course. You probably do as well. Personally, I blame my dog, and the growing population of barking spiders in my woods. You probably should, as well.
[9] Sorry – a SCIENTIST
[10] Of course, asteroid impacts, meteors and the occasional derelict alien spacecraft smacking into our planet WILL add more mass! And, that increase of mass, although slight, does indeed modify the calculations! You see, Earth is not actually a ‘closed’ system with regards to mass. Don’t forget that we also shed some millions of tons of mass over the Solar year, through the loss of the top of the atmosphere, as we blast through space at 1.5 million km/hr.
[11] You’re just not correct in knowing how I knew exactly what you were thinking.
[12] Who is spinning, very, VERY slightly, in his grave!
[13] Future investigation by Sean Hannity points to former FBI director James Comey, assisted by the Clinton Foundation, as being in collusion, somehow. But, there is no real evidence to substantiate this. Julian Assange and Wikileaks remain inscrutably silent on the matter, although rumor has it Vladmir Putin now owns Boeing.
[14] And THAT’s how true comedy is done!
[15] I leave this as an exercise for the industrious Googler.
[16] I rarely do much of anything soberly. Just sayin’.
[17] Or bats. Whatever. I’m no expert on animal food-chain studies.
[18] Politicians thrive on MORE poop.
[19] I’ve read papers that roaches eat radioactive matter with few ill effects, other than a tendency to grow larger and glow bright enough so that you can read a newspaper during New Moon in New Zealand, if you’ve allowed one or two of them to perch on your forehead.
[20] Oh, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely adore large buildings. I’m a man, and there is an undeniable phallic majesty intrinsic to tall structures. Hell, I like mountains for much the same reason. And, rockets… But, I digress.
[21] The noose is closing in on us, isn’t it? Care for some more bourbon?
[22] World War III was the Cold War. We are in World War IV, that George W. Bush began, imho. 
[23] There is mounting evidence that the Bermuda Triangle has been swallowing ships because of the release of huge bubbles of methane, released from beneath the oceans by the warming waters, and not because of the unsubstantiated accounts of alien UFO activity as was heretofore believed.
[24] Labor torn from the backs of small children, the invalid, the brain-damaged and those of us unable to find menial work because we are too damned old now.
[25] Have you ever considered that Pirates formed much of the embryonic governments that are in existence today. It’s true! Maritime Law. Admiralty Law. Look it up! So, we should have little surprise that the most successful people today are there because of their ability to plunder the planet, and enslave the rest of us in some fashion.
[26] Any NOAA trained scientist will tell you this, as well as the local weather gal.
[27] Putin is too busy undermining the election process in the West to be bothered.