Saturday, July 31, 2021

A.E. Saves the World, One Catastrophe at a Time – or – Your Own Personal Tech Jesus by A.E. Williams

Once again, the Speculative Fiction Showcase is delighted to welcome our occasional regular, A.E. Williams. As always, all views are the writer's own. 

Scroll down for details of an upcoming guest appearance by A.E. Williams at the Sacred Mushroom Summit - Sages of the Americas conference in September, in Gainesville, Florida.


WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?

The other morning, I was having a nice warm cup of Brownian Motion,[1] sitting on my deck in the back of the house, watching the thermometer inch up towards 100 degrees Fahrenheit. That kind of temperature is kind of normal, in this neck of the woods, for this season, Summer.

I learned as a wee lad[2] that the planet Earth orbited the Sun, and not the other way around, despite the best teachings of the Catholic Church and astrologers. I found out that there were four seasons, here in the United States of America.[3] They were Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring.[4] Of the four of them, Summer was the hottest. Winter was the coldest. Spring was wet, and flowery. Fall was Holiday time.

That was about it. No one worried about ‘global’ anything, except Salvation. There were conflicts across the world, of course, but those were happening far away in countries whose names were funny, and to people who were barely human, not having known Christ and all. Heck, there wasn’t even any Holy Water™ in the Red Sea, and it was practically in Jesus’ back yard![5]

With this fantastic education, I embarked upon a worldview that took some severe hits over the decades.

Women as priests? Nuns without habits? Priests who – well, enough about priests…

BIRTH CONTROL! Yeah, there’s something that really is a hot-button issue, right? It’s not bad enough the world is having tons of babies, like Nature intended. It’s wonderful! Wait, they aren’t Catholic babies?

All those non-Catholic babies could be brought into the fold, eventually, one supposes. Given enough Manifest Destiny…

But there was a terrible side-effect from all that Natural procreation stuff – people.

Billions of people. Billions of people who need to eat, defecate, fornicate, get sick, die, grow old, get injured, fart, kill, maim, become politicians, soldiers, scientists, engineers and liberal arts majors.[6]

And, naturally, all of these people need places to grow food, shelter from storms, harsh weather, and the random drone attack, vehicles to move their goods from one place to another, such as trains, planes and buses[7], educate their whelps offspring, get birth control and other medications so they will live longer and have better quality of lives, communicate across their towns, states, countries and eventually fuck up the entire planet and solar system.

This has been regarded as a bad move, by some closed-minded individuals (and organizations, actually). However, another set of individuals have become immensely wealthy and powerful from all of this activity.

And, in doing so, we are now being told, they have doomed the rest of us to death by Climate Change®.

Now, I have always been an optimist, even when I was cynical, sarcastic and damning lightly with praise. It’s my one true strength – the ability to see the silver lining next to the lead one in the burial vault.[8]

And, in the spirit of that, (and also not wanting to continue getting those glaring looks of hatred from my supposedly doomed whelps children), I offer to the world, free of cost, the SOLUTIONS to all of these thorny issues.

With a CAVEAT:

Seeing the political climate we are operating under today, I want to state right out front that I do not see myself as any kind of technology Messiah. So, for the following few minutes of reading, I want you, the Reader, to pretend that I am an alien, from Alpha Centauri, or thereabouts.[9]

GLOBAL VARIABLES, LOCAL FUNCTIONS

Insurance companies have this policy to not pay out money from premiums for incidents that are routinely classified as “Acts of God.”[10] These include fires, floods, lightning, earthquakes and the like. [11]

So, let’s take a look at some of these “Acts of God” and see if we can do anything meaningful about them, how much it might cost, and how long it will take to get results. (Let’s also ignore the obvious solution for much of these, which is “Don’t build there,” or “Move.”)

WILDFIRES

I want to state right now that fire is a beautiful thing. There is so much magic in the infernal dances of bonfire flames, on a cool evening, with the Harvest Moon in the sky, the odor of oak and pine smoke wafting around the forest, the background noises of cicadas and dying prey providing an almost Beethoven-like quality to the happenings. It is at times like this when - cheroot tucked into the corner of your mouth, a nice adult beverage in hand and a forty-five-caliber pistol strapped to your belt - you really feel One with Nature and the Universe.

If only that distant glow of wanton, Hellish destruction in the distance weren’t so damned close to your property…

It occurs to pretty much anyone that wildfires are complex things, with a multitude of causes, ramifications for power distribution, local economies, federal…

Wait.

NO, THEY ARE NOT!

It’s really simple – let forests grow for a long time, and branches and leaves and stuff accumulate. If the weather is such that there is a dry season, the conditions are as such that a tiny spark may create a fire, that can consume this detritus and grow into a raging inferno.

Fuel + spark = conflagration.

See? Simple.

Putting out a fire is simple, too.

You deprive it of oxygen. You drown it. You cover it in flame retardant chemicals. Or dirt.

See? Simple.

SOLUTION: Get Bill “The Vaccinator” Gates to repurpose his Solar Smegma®™ Aircraft Fleet to run coordinated passes over wildfires, dropping water to smother the flames. Nanobots are optional.

CASE CLOSED.


FLOODS

Floods are caused by too much of a good thing – water. Water is essential to growing food crops, bathing, sewer systems and many other public health concerns and proper hydration during heat waves.

It is ironic, then, that when it rains, it pours – onto the slopes of mountains and hills, and flat parking spaces, and farms, and into rivers and oceans. All of these places don’t need a LOT of water, right?

How then to mitigate flooding?

Take a lesson from our nearest neighbors – the Martians.

Canals.

SOLUTION: Elon Musk can use his Boring Company to build a fleet of subterranean earth-movers. These will drill a vast network of underground canals, acting as capillaries, draining the offensive liquids off into a convenient place. Say, a desert. Or maybe, the Grand Canyon.

The desert can serve three purposes:

1)      Oasis

2)      Location for hotels and casinos

3)      Water storage

Basically, Las Vegas meets Lake Tahoe.

CASE CLOSED. 


HURRICANES / TORNADOES

While it seems there are more powerful, stronger hurricanes, and many more of them, today than in times past, I would point interested parties into looking into the history of this planet.

During its formation, there were planetary storms, that lasted centuries, if not millennia. They flooded the Earth, scoured entire mountain ranges flat, dug canyons with their immense water flow, and generally made life, as we know it today, possible.

Closer to our own era, devastating major named storms[12] in the last century can be counted on one hand:

1)      Camille

2)      Andrew

3)      Katrina

4)      A bunch of others who weren’t as notable. Seriously, ALL of the storms combined produced damages of around one trillion dollars. That is less than the current infrastructure bill being floated by President Joe Biden.

SOLUTION: Firstly, mandate the removal of all kinds of insurance for ALL coastal construction in hurricane-prone areas. If you want to take the risk to build, it should be all on YOU, not the taxpayers of land-locked states.

Next, if you do decide to build there, (and, you shouldn’t!) then build low-cost buildings that can be easily cleaned up. Again, it’s your mess, so common sense dictates you should make things that don’t cost much to demolish. Like, maybe use fire?

Finally, forget about trying to ‘control the weather.’

The US Military already is doing that[13]

CASE CLOSED.


STORMS

Ibid.

CASE CLOSED.

EARTHQUAKES

Ibid.[14]

CASE CLOSED.


GLOBAL ‘WARMING’

SOLUTION: I am a huge proponent of Space Technology, as you well know.

Having worked in that industry for two decades, and as a follower of the latest and greatest Space Race, I am convinced that the easiest and most cost-effective way of reducing global warming is to put some manner of shading device between us and the Sun, which is THE major contributor to this problem.

Much as a window curtain or vertical blind, (or the Moon) can shield us from the harmful rays of the sun, these devices would be positioned in such a way as to provide a barrier between us and Old Sol.

Made of Kevlar, or perhaps another material (see below), these giant Space Curtains™ would be lifted into space aboard a SpaceX Starship, optimally, or perhaps a ULA Delta Heavy[15].

Placed at Lagrange points, these could be outfitted with ion thrusters, allowing for the intensity of the solar rays that impinge upon our atmosphere to be regulated.

This could also see some actual utility for Branson and Bezos rockets, in that they could be used to man outgoing flights on a Musk Starship for servicing these miracles. Lockheed and Boeing could build space stations that would act as staging areas for assembly and repair.

It would be a hugely profitable industry.

As to gathering the needed materials for the Space Curtains™, we have a literal mountain of raw materials at our fingertips – the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.[16]

Using a consortium of naval ships from around the world (I’m looking at YOU, China!), coupled with cruise ships, we could construct floating factories that gather this detritus and treat it in such a way as to reclaim the plastics for use in the Space Curtains™.

Think of the economic benefits of this! We are cleaning up the oceans, (for fish-farming, see below), and shooting that into space to protect us from Global Warming!

It’s a win-win-win, since this also will quicken the pace for humanity to become ONE RACE.[17]

Some other benefits of this technology are they can be made using current manufacturing processes, they will be relatively cheap, and when they become too damaged for further use, we can just drop them into the Sun.

And, best of all, you won’t have fleets of Solar Smegma™® aircraft dropping nanobots into the jet stream. Those will be preoccupied putting out forest fires.[18]

CASE CLOSED.


‘CLIMATE’ CHANGE

Well, this one is tricky. One supposes we could also float giant Fresnel lenses or space-borne lasers, or lunar bases that can shoot microwaves or particle beams at Earth’s less-warm areas, to heat things up a bit.

One unfortunate side effect of this would be the accidental sparking of wildfires.

Another would be increasing the Brownian Motion of Lake Huron or the Mediterranean Sea to a degree where the entire planet could enjoy Earl Grey for a few centuries.

To be honest, my crystal ball powers here are a bit underwhelming.

SOLUTION: TBD


WAR

Another unfortunate side effect of space-based space heaters is war.

Now, we already are dealing with this, and a lot of it is because of the lack of proper resource allocation, made even more difficult by political grand-standing, warlords and a generally inferior education system across the board.

See, education is merely indoctrination to the ‘Old Ways.’ Novel ideas, much like the ones in this article, are poo-pooed or denigrated as being ‘too fantastic,’ ‘unreasonable flights of fancy,’ or ‘insane.’

That’s because critical thinking is a vastly underutilized skill. Everywhere.

Want some examples?

·         Why do cities allow building in areas that are prone to flooding? Or wildfires? Or earthquakes?

·         Why do ‘intelligent’ people keep electing the same old political hacks?

·         Why is high fructose corn syrup a thing?

·         Why doesn’t the United States elect Nevada to be the ‘Solar Power Station’ for the entire country?

The answers to these, and many other vexing questions, are obvious to a critical thinker.[19]

SOLUTION: This one will take some political will, grass roots activism, and the banishment of money as a concept of wealth.[20]

If people seriously want to live in peace, then warfare is something that cannot be tolerated. The resources expended on killing ourselves would be far better used in getting humanity to a state of existence that is cooperative, and beneficial for all living creatures.

Think about how much medicine advanced DUE to warfare.

Now think about how much further it could have advanced against something like COVID, if those funds expended in conducting war were instead used in research for curing the human condition.

CASE CLOSED.


FAMINE

SOLUTION: Here I am going to list a few subcategories, because they are interrelated with food and eating.

·         CATTLE – Where’s the beef? Isolate it to a few areas where it is grown, and find humane methods for harvesting the meat. Soylent Green Lab-grown meat is almost here!

·         ALLIGATORS – These are so unendangered that people are hunting them again. Figure out what they are good for besides handbags and shoes, and limit their population accordingly. Put them on farms, until we figure out if they like Mars better.

·         TILAPIA – Feed them to the gators.

·         ENDANGERED SPECIES – Clone the ones we think will be useful pets, and don’t bother with the ones that like to eat us.

·         INVASIVE SPECIES – Send them back to where their ‘normal’ habitat is located. Feed people who drop their ‘cute little python’ into the swamp to the alligators.

·         EXTINCT SPECIES – Same as endangered. If we can farm chickens, we can farm the dodo.[21]

·        DEER and OTHER WILD GAME – Move everything to Australia, or Kenya. Whatever survives, we clone.

·        FISHING - Now, this one has a serious component. We KNOW how to farm fishes. We also know we need to clean up the trash in the oceans, rivers and lakes.

We need to combine these two facts into some kind of easy to create solution, such as:

GENETICALLY MODIFIED TUNA, and CATFISH (One for salt water, one for brackish)

Using CRISPR, these wonders of modern biogenetic science could be manufactured to eat all the trash, and poop out monofilament line, much like spiders can spin silk for their webs.[22]

Some care would need to be taken to collect the resulting excrement, otherwise submarines might get snagged in them.

CASE CLOSED!


GEOPOLITICAL UNREST

Well, as I mentioned above, warfare and money are two things we need to dispense with, if we desire to take advantage of all the wonders that Space Curtains™ will provide for us. That may take some doing.

SOLUTION: I propose we either decide on a Benevolent Dictator, or a Theocracy.[23]

CASE CLOSED! 


CIVIL ISSUES

Ibid.

CASE CLOSED!


POLLUTION

SOLUTION: Follow Musk, et al, off-planet.

CASE CLOSED!


Now, you may be wondering, if you are still ‘stuck’ in the traditional paradigm of capitalism or other ‘isms’, one very important thing:

HOW THE F**** ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ‘PAY’ FOR ALL THIS, A.E.???

Man, my windows just blew out from the collective screams of everyone bellowing at once about cost, blah blah blah!

Why do you think Billionaires exist?

BILLIONAIRE MAGIC CARPET RIDES

Realistically, all the money in all the world would not be enough to do these projects. So, why should we care?

Fleecing the rich is obvious, but it denies the entire problem with we humans. We are greedy little bastards, who are genetically programmed to survive. That means we hunt, gather, procreate, fight, horde, kill, rape and murder other human beings to get what we ‘want.’

It’s in our nature. Human nature. You won’t really be able to breed it out of us for centuries, if we are lucky, or thousands of years, if we let Nature take its course.

SOLUTION: Nanobots.

Hear me out!

What if we could somehow inject nanobots into the bloodstream of the typical human?

We could use them to program behaviors, using some manner of radio energy. Maybe Wi-fi, or something… In any event, all we would have to do is come up with an Artificial Intelligence engine.  It would have to be able to deduce how humans behave, from observation of billions of us, over a long time period. Some manner of tracking device would need to be carried by us, all of the time. So, maybe it could be functional, in a way that ties it to the global economy. Like, maybe it is some kind of ‘smart’ device, that allows us to make transactions easily. The public media could help us decide what we need to buy, and consume, and maybe even some games could be put on them, so that we are entertained, and engaged as much as possible.

Heck, even our personal computers can have keyloggers or something, to allow the AI to gather as much information and data as possible!

With all of that, these nanobots can be deployed, and everyone can live in peace! No one will suffer! No one will starve, or be lonely, frightened or poor!

Think of the possibilities!

We could get rid of cars, since everyone will just need to order using their voice, or maybe the AI will SEND you what you need!

Yeah, that’s it!

All we need is some method to induce people to inject these nanobots into their bodies, or maybe we can skip that altogether and just spray them into the atmosphere. It probably would have some physical properties…maybe like snot? Or smegma? Who knows?

So, we can just dye the delivery solvent silver or maybe black? Then, we spray it into the upper troposphere. Hey, I’ll bet it can help cool the Earth! Cool! Cool, cool, cool!

You know who we should enlist to help us do this?

Billionaires!

They have ALL THAT MONEY! They must be SUPER smart!

Damned geniuses, every one of them!

Someone should get Bill Gates on the (smart) phone!

Stat!

CASE CLOSED, AI Master.

 

A.E. Williams

High Springs, Florida

July 25, 2021



[1] That’s what I call my particular blend of Earl Grey, sugar and the thermodynamic miracle that is hot H2O.

[2] When I went to Catholic Parochial School, almost all of the teachers were nuns, and about 98% of them were from Ireland. So, that’s what they called us. ‘Wee’ whatevers… It’s also where I discovered Earl Grey tea, the Holy Trinity, transubstantiation, the Eucharist, that Jesus died for our sins, that masturbation is really bad, and the interesting concept called a convent …but, I digress.

[3] You should remember that the doctrine to which I was indoctrinated was very White Anglo-Saxon Protestant-centric, even though taught by the Catholic Church. According to this, the United States of America was given to us by God, by dint of superior firepower and Manifest Destiny, and not ‘white supremacy,’ Christopher Columbus got here first, and not the Vikings. And, the inhabitants already here were known collectively as ‘savages.’ Colonialism was something taught to us at England’s knee, and empires lived forever, except Rome, because they also killed Jesus. Ah, misspent youth…

[4] Some Yankees argued about a mythical fifth season, called “Autumn.” They ‘autumn’ just call it ‘Fall,’ like all right-minded people.

[5] Forget about lakes of wine, even if He could walk all across each and every one, right?

[6] I have it on good authority that Lawyers are of the Devil.

[7] Coming soon to a spaceport near you – Amazon Prime Intraplanetary Express!

[8] The lead lining is to keep the radiation in; the silver lining is a Faraday cage for better Wi-Fi reception.

[9] And, frankly, I am tired of defending all of that. I am, much like the Dean in ‘Community,’  complicated…

[10] Who says worshippers of Mammon aren’t biblical?

[11] “War” is its own category, and drone strikes are typically not covered.

[12] Source: Wikipedia. Cyclones are “Other People’s Problems.”

[13] Source: More Wikipedia. Pay attention to the HAARP and Operation Popeye bits…

[14] Source: Still MORE Wikipedia. If you think this is ‘fictional’ you aren’t paying attention. Especially of late Actually, I am throwing this one on Elon. Those Boring™ machines can be upscaled into Planet Tunnelers®, and used to relieve the stresses on the tectonic plates.

[15] I suppose Jeff Bezos ‘New Glenn’ could be press-ganged into service, but I dread seeing a giant floating AMAZON banner in the sky, 24/7.

[17] The HUMAN one, duh!

[18] Sorry, not sorry, Bill.

[19] Especially when he is sitting next to a bonfire on a cool, winter’s evening, under the Harvest Moon, drinking bourbon and classic Dr. Pepper, idly sighting his .45 at random noises, a smoldering cheroot in the corner of his mouth, and a satisfied grin on his face.

[20] I am not saying to remove money from our system. I am saying the accumulation of money as an arbiter of someone being ‘better’ than someone else is an idea whose time is far over. More money does not equal ‘smarter.’ I leave it to the industrious Reader to Google for examples. 

[21] Of course, if everyone goes Vegan, we won’t need either. Just Test-Tube Turducken, baby!

[22] On a side note, I am totally AGAINST genetically modifying spiders, in ANY fashion.

[23] Either one will work, but the cost in human lives will understandably be enormous. Of course, this is just Standard Operating Procedure, where I come from.


A.E. Williams will be a presenter at the Sacred Mushroom Summit - Sages of the Americas Conference in September, in Gainesville, Florida


About A. E. Williams:



A.E. Williams has a unique background of military experience, aerospace engineering and intelligence analysis. He has a varied career, from inventor to consultant, and pretty much everything in between.

Born near Pittsburgh, A.E. Williams is man of a mystery.

As a young man, Williams served the United States government in various capacities, which he then followed with fifteen years as a consultant. Williams currently resides in rural Central Florida.

He does his writing at night, usually accompanied by a bottle of Maker's Mark bourbon and a large supply of Classic Dr. Pepper and ice.  




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